Living with Depression

I was very social and jumping from one activity to another, staying busy by constantly finding the next activity/party to have fun. In between these activities life seemed dull, work less and less important, and I started to put off less important to-do items, “they could wait”.

I was often tired, but could explain it away because I had a long weekend, was ‘fighting a cold or something’, just got back home after a business trip, ate too many carbohydrates, etc., etc. I also started to forget things more, needing to write lists and have reminders. I started answering the phone less, as I was tired or did not feel able to be upbeat, chatty or emotionally involved in a conversation at that moment. My personal activities or relaxation activities got more and more sedentary and isolated, as I felt the need to avoid things that were aggravating me or were stressful. Such things were as simple as the ‘wrong’ music, loud sounds, traffic jams, a tv show with too much violence, the news, etc.

This cycle continued on for quite a while, and I always seemed to find a reason why I was tired. I don’t think it was obvious to anyone, even me, that I was depressed. It took one particular incident to make me realise ’something was not right’.

I had started job hunting, trying to find a less stressful job/a job without travel, as I was sure that was the source of a lot my tiredness. Finally I went on the latest job interview, and even enjoyed meeting new potential coworkers and boss, and came away feeling that I had the job and would really like to work there. Shortly after leaving I was to meet a friend at a coffee shop. By the time I arrived there, I sat in the car for a while, just to relax and wake up some. By the time I went inside, I really needed a large coffee as I was getting tired. After a half hour I was yawning and ready to put my head down on the table (it was just 6:30!). I headed home, thinking this was just some sort of ‘let down’ after the emotional high from the interview, or so I told myself.

The next day was a work day, but as I still felt tired and drained and was sure I got the new job, I called in sick to my current job. I did sleep more but did next to nothing all day. I didn’t even really read my book or enjoy watching television; I just sort of zoned. I guess if it had just been the one day I would have rationalized it yet again - tired from work, stressed from an interview, etc., however this bout lasted the whole weekend! Three days, doing nothing, barely eating, barely noticing anything I watched or tried to read, and drifting in and out of sleep, just lying around in bed or on the couch.

I guess I’m pretty luck that was all that happened, but it was enough of an unusual occurrence that I went to the doctor, to whom it seemed obvious I was depression The medication made a big difference almost immediately, again lucky me as I’ve heard that this is not always the case.

Since that time, I regressed once more, and at that time went directly to a specialist. With regular visits to review the effect of the medicine and my progress, including several dosage changes and an added medication, I’m now doing well!

What would I say to others? Don’t be afraid to find out if you have depression: it’s an illness that can be treated. Do see a therapist in addition to the Dr. as they help you to review how things are going (so you do not rationalize away potential symptoms), and help to determine if additional medicinal changes are required or would just be beneficial.

Good luck to you, and good smiles and memories as well!